


I've Been Thinking Too Much ( Help Me )

by orphan_account



Category: Video Blogging RPF, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Alfie understands, Angst, Death, Eating Disorders, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Joe is recovering, Loss of love, Overdosing, Recovering From Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Slight fluff, Zoe is a great sister, soulmate death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 09:35:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11228238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Y/N commits suicide, and it's up to Zoë to fix her broken little brother.





	I've Been Thinking Too Much ( Help Me )

**Author's Note:**

> The Title Is From TØP's song, Ride.

The room was filled with silence. No one really knew what to say. It had all happened so quickly.

Joe didn't know what to do. One minute,

Y/N was by his side, helping him plan the next prank on Caspar, then the next minute, she was laying in a coffin surrounded by her closest friends.

The doctors said they did everything that they could, but the medicine she had taken was too much, her heart had shut down, along with the rest of her vital organs.

He should've seen the signs, he hated himself for it now, it was all so clear. If only he had paid more attention, he could've saved her.

Jack and Conor stood over to the side of the room, tears flowing down his cheeks onto Conor's shaking shoulders. The Maynard brothers had taken it the hardest, who had known Y/N since birth. It had really taken a toll on them.

Her parents sat beside the brothers, Y/N's baby sister sitting in her mother's lap. Lizzie is what they called her, Y/N had only met her once before, when she was first born.

"I promise to take care of you Liz, I'm gonna be your big sister." She had said, letting the child grip onto her finger.

That wasn't the case, it seemed.

Joe sighed, slumping back in his chair. He couldn't cry anymore, he was drained. He had spent the first week after her death crying, beating himself up over not being able to save her.

"She wouldn't want you to be sad, Joe..." Zoë had said when he refused to eat or sleep after her death.

He turned to face Zoë, her makeup running from the silent tears the fell down her face.

"Why her?" He asked quietly, his voice scratchy and raw. Zoë let out a heavy sigh, patting at her eyes with her sleeve.

"I don't know Joe..." She replied, taking in a sharp breath. Joe nodded, casting his gaze downwards.

He closed his eyes, the sight of Y/N's body laying there on the hard tile floor, an empty pill bottle in her hand was still fresh in his mind.

After the doctors told him the news, he had fainted. When he woke, he prayed to whatever God that would listen that it was just a dream, that she wasn't really dead.

It wasn't a dream.

He cried that night. He screamed and cried and broke whatever he could that night. He screamed until his vocal cords burned in pain and he cried until his eyes stung and he couldn't stay awake longer.

He began to drown his sorrows in alcohol, and he was never a heavy drinker before that incident. He didn't upload or record videos. He was drained of life.

He didn't want to live anymore.

What he regretted most though, was that he never said he loved her.

He had been planning a grand way to ask her out, something horrendously romantic, he was gonna ask her out the day she...the day she did it.

"Why?" He whispered out. To who, he didn't know. What he meant by it, he also didn't know.

Why did she have to leave him so soon?

Why did she want to leave?

Why did she kill herself?

He stood up and went towards the coffin, where she laid, her eyes closed, never to open again. He had to say one last goodbye.

"Y/N.....I miss you so much...I....why? Why did you leave....? I...I love you....I...i just needed to say that...." He felt pathetic, talking to the corpse. She couldn't hear him, she wasn't going to reply.

He sat back down beside Zöe, who looked at him with pity in her eyes.

"Please don't cry Joe....she wouldn't have wanted you to cry over her." He brought his hand up to his eye to wipe away the tears.

Huh, he hadn't noticed he was crying.

He hadn't attended the funeral, he couldn't. It would mean he would have to come to terms with the fact that she's dead, and isn't gonna come back. He couldn't do that.

Instead he sat at home, wondering around like a zombie, his mind blurry.

Probably from the alcohol, he thought bitterly. He stumbled back into the kitchen area, grabbing a bottle of gin. He barely noticed the stinging sensation as it flowed through his throat. He drank the rest of the bottle, before slamming onto the table. Shards of broken glass flew out and hit him, forming gashes along his arms.

Whatever, he thought. They'll heal.

He was aware this was slowly killing him. The next month was torture. Zoë and the boys came around often to make sure he was eating and still functioning. He was, but barely.

Zoë noticed the heavy bags under his eyes, proving he hadn't slept in awhile.

"Joe?" She asked one day when she was over, watching as he lazily looked up at her, as if it took all of his strength to do that simple movement.

"Hmmm?"

"When was the last time you slept?" She asked worriedly, now that she really looked, he looked absolutely exhausted.

"6 days ago...? Oh wait..no....maybe two weeks ago? I don't know..." His voice was deep and raw, Zoë gasped.

"Joe! Oh my gosh! You need to get some rest! That's not healthy!" She pleaded, grabbing his hand. She recoiled in horror, his hands were freezing and bony, like he had no meat to his figure at all. Her brother had always been skinny, but never this skinny. The was deathly skinny.

"Why should it matter? I have not a reason to live..." He whispered, for his voice could not handle much more.

"Yes you do Joe! Please...sleep for me...? I'll prepare something to eat, just please try and rest...." Zoë whispered, stroking her younger brother's cheek. It was so hallow.

She dreaded asking the question but she did.

"When was the last time you ate anything?"

He looked at her and sighed, running his bony fingers through his greasy hair.

"Last time Jack and Conor came over...." He muttered, refusing to make clear eye contact.

Zoë counted in her head, that was 3 weeks ago.

"Oh my gosh, Joe! You could die! I'm going to make some soup then I'm taking you to the hospital, this can't go on." Joe shook his head vigorously.

"No Zoë, I'm fine. I don't need to go to the doctors, I'm fine." He insisted, gasping at the pain as he sat up quickly. His stomach ached horribly. Maybe he was hungry.

"Well will you try and eat something if I make it?" She asked, placing her hand on his thigh.

He nodded his head and laid down, sighing. He was thankful for Zoë, especially with how big of a mess he was at the moment.

He had eaten, the soup warming his insides pleasantly. Zoë had watched him eat, her mind busy.

Was Joe gonna be okay without her by his side? Was he gonna eat or sleep?

"Excuse me, Joe...I'll be right back...."

She ran towards the bathroom and sat down on the floor, pulling out her phone.

"Yeah?" Alfie's voice was soothing for her.

"Um...I'm gonna be staying here with Joe for a little while. He's not doing too great."

"Is he okay?!" Alfie sounded worried as he asked about his friend.

"Yeah, at least I hope so. He just...he hasn't eaten in about 3 weeks. I made him eat some soup, but I'm worried about him. I'm gonna stay here for a few more days to try and settle him down." She replied, running her fingers through his hair.

"Okay, well...Do what you think is right....and Zo? Please tell Joe to keep himself safe, for me." Zoë nodded and hung up, taking in a deep breath.

She walked back up the stairs and smiled as she saw Joe standing over the pot of boiling soup, ladling some more into his bowl.

"S-sorry...I was kinda still hungry...." He muttered, putting the lid back onto the bowl.

"It's fine Joe! Have as much as you want!" She smiled, walking over to him. He gave her a small smile and begin to sip away at the soup. A peaceful silence fell over them until Zoë glanced at Joe, who had finished the bowl.

"Whoa! What's gotten you so cheery? Jack told me you hadn't finished a full thing of food since before...it happened..." Zoë looked shocked at her brother, who sighed.

"I just....Y/N wouldn't want me to suffer over her forever. It's time for me to move on. I still love her with all my heart...But I must move on."

Zoë smiled at her brother, engulfing him in a hug.

"I'm so glad you're saying that."

"I'm gonna try and move on. For her."


End file.
